FRONT Magazine Issue 141: Lower Than Atlantis Commission

Particularly proud of this article as this is the first piece that I've been paid for. This is how it appears in the magazine:



WORDS:

Ring-shrinkingly loud Watford boys Lower Than Atlantis are heirs to Alkaline Trio’s gobby punk crown, but what do they make of FRONT’s golden shower?

How goes it, guys?
M: I’m not bad. Fucking hungover to be honest with you actually. I went to some crappy hardcore show in Watford last night, then into Camden.
How did your FRONT shoot go?
M: It was good. I was really sick though, and pretty stressed from the drive over. Actually, did you find a pair of trousers we left there? It had a wad of cash in it that we owed a girlfriend.
Absolutely not. Essentially you were a bunch of trouserless guys getting all wet in an April shower together?
M: Yea, we certainly loved that. Getting wet is really fun when you’re sick. You should have drawn dicks all over our faces in post-production, and some smart facial hair to make us look even cooler.
Nobody got sea-sick and puked their dirty little guts up all over the place, right?
M: Not that I know of. I could have done, but I got horny and spunked everywhere instead.
Wow. Er, moving on... you’re about to embark on a crazy-long tour. Where y’all most excited to play?
B: Italy, man! It’s not usually on the European tours, and we’ll get to see the San Siro.
M: We’re gonna try real hard to impress the effin’ hot Italian chicks out there too. We’ve decided to get some of them Bruno hotpants and run around like little children shouting “Oh Hai!”.
That’s one way to freak the piss out of the other bands you’re touring with...
M: Too right. Nah, we’re real excited to play with I Am Ghost and Eyes Set to Kill. I don’t mind having to play in front of 14-year-old boys with make-up as long as they dig our band. We’re kinda used to it really. We used to play a lot of metal gigs, like, serious kill-babies style shit. So we’re used to people not liking us.
You’ll be stuck out there for a while - what are your essential tour items?
M: Arse-less chaps, vibrators, lube, rope, and bananas for potassium.
B: To be honest, we barely bring fuck all. Wash-bags, and that’s about it.
You getting any lady-attention now that you’ve exploded onto the scene?
M: Listen, when you’re as good looking as us, you get loads of it. Actually, I had a car-crash of a bird following me around last night. I’m single and up for a laugh. Make sure you print that. Please.
Well the lady-talent in Watford sounds smashing. You describe them in one song as “fat slags who wear shit clothes” that “make you ill”...
M: Watford is full of kids pushing kids in prams. They’re dirty chavs. We were all watching some old tour footage together recently, and a chavvy little bitch walked into my house, bit me on the arm and then poured beer everywhere. When she left all her mates smashed my windows in. In the middle of the day. Fucking crackers. But you need issues to write half decent songs.
You write about personal experiences, some pretty funny, some pretty intimate. You’re going to write a song about your FRONT shoot for us, yea?
M: Erm, OK. I’ll have a think about a title and get back to you.
What will your opening line be?
M: Give me a minute...OK. “The other day we had a lot of fun at the FRONT shoot. But this interview is shit and we want to put this on mute...” I’m clearly joking mate, I like you. I’m gonna add you on Facebook right now.
You little joker. I’m guessing you’re pretty excited about April Fools then?
M: We had a massive debate at the shoot about April Fool’s. We thought about spreading the rumour that it was International Apple Juice day, and giving out cups of the stuff for free. But we’ll give one out that’s full of piss.
B: Yea, we wanna make it good. No one goes all out for April Fool’s any more. Real shame.
Finally, we don’t reckon Atlantis really exists. Kinda like Unicorns, and Ronnie Corbett. But if it does, what’ll you find down there? Crabs?
M: Crabs? Fuck, who have you been talking to...

Hidden Dragon Review for Snow Magazine

Published HERE

Chris Sayer discovers luxury of a very different kind in one of Switzerland’s exclusive resorts.

Luxury can be measured in many ways on a skiing holiday: the luxury of ski-in ski-out; of fine dining; or even of a private cinema. All of these are available at Veysonnaz brand new idyllic retreat but what’s more, not many chalets can offer the luxury of returning home healthier, re-energised, and entirely relaxed.

Hidden Dragon is a privately-owned sophisticated and elegant hideaway alpine lodge, with Eastern touches and Feng-Shui principles through-out. Owner Ashlee Benis’ Japanese heritage has played a huge part in her architectural design, but even so the emphasis remains on comfort, tranquillity and select furnishings. You’ll sink into each bed and sofa and love the air of exclusivity in the Gentleman’s boot-room, decked out with a leather Union Jack ottoman and pop-art cow prints.

The lodge’s private chef, Jon, is enchantingly passionate about his food and the range of local sources he uses. Following the healthy ethos of the lodge, Chef can offer a variety of dishes that won’t undo all the exercise you’ve done on the mountain and that use the finest ingredients from the surrounding community. The homemade frozen banana yoghurt in the morning is a welcome energy boost for aching muscles.

But if that doesn’t help you loosen up, then spa manager Carol will. A tailor-made treatment can be produced for you, from deep tissue massages to the more relaxing therapies: enough to make the toughest of clients weep or sleep, respectively. The spa also provides a hot-tub as well as an indoor and outdoor Yoga deck. The Hamam, a Turkish wet steam bath, is an effective way to cleanse the body and alleviate any lactic acid to make sure the next day’s skiing is as good as possible.

And the skiing is certainly as good as it gets. Veysonnaz is in the heart of the 400km 4 Valleys domain which links with Nendaz, Verbier and Thyon, but remains a quaint and quiet resort with only 4000 beds: a fraction of the size of Verbier, but equally beautiful slopes. The ski to Nendaz and back is an ideal goal for a day with a variety of skiing surroundings and many places to grab a quick weissbier or lunch.

On return, the staff are waiting in your own private outdoor ice-bar, complete with log fire for toasting marshmallows and a ‘snow-fa’ (a sofa carved into the snow with thick blankets draped over the top) to kick back and enjoy a drink or two. With Hidden Dragon’s mantra of “surprise and delight”, little unexpected details like this continue through your stay, so many of which I can’t bring myself to discuss for fear of spoiling the surprise for you.

This is a luxury that can’t be found in expensive shops, designer labels or costly commodities. Hidden Dragon is more concerned with the luxury of you returning home feeling unexpectedly brilliant. In fact, it’s the luxury of having your expectations exceeded at every opportunity. I know mine were.

This isn’t just a five-star holiday. It’s a five-star experience.

Prices for a week at Hidden Dragon start at approximately £24,000 and sleeps 12 people. For more information, visit www.hidden-dragon.com.

Los Campesinos! interview for FRONTARMY

Published HERE


Super wicked indy-pop rabble Los Campesinos! are one of the few bands that can cheer us up no matter what. Just the other day, we cracked out their fine new album “Romance is Dead” when we found out that you can’t cook popcorn in a kettle. We caught up with Gareth and Neil to say cheers...

Hola Los Campesinos! How y’all doing?
N: Feeling really good! We played London last night, and it went amazingly well.
G: Yea, we were stressing about it because it’s such a big gig, but now it’s over we can kinda relax a bit. Gigs like that justify why we dick around in a band instead of doing something more worthwhile.

So there’s a butt-load of you all, do you have a collective term? Like a gaggle of geese, or tit-load of lobsters...
N: A hunk of shit?
G: Or a collection of morons? We’re up to eight now. The closer we can get to being a football team the better really. That’s where we’re headed.

Is it true that you’re the “second most punk band in the UK”?
N: No. We’re the first now.
G: We were in second place when The Gallows were being touted as ‘the most punk band to have ever existed’. We didn’t want to challenge that, so we settled for second. There’s less pressure in second place.
N: But now they’ve done some record of ballads, so we’ve leap-frogged them.

While you’ve been acting like true Punksters has anyone taken the song title Death to Los Campesinos! literally?
N: You got you’re head caught in an elevator the other night? That was the closest we’ve got to death for a few nights.
G: I didn’t realise just how stupid that idea was. In fancy lifts the doors can sense movement, right? But this was in some shopping centre in Aberdeen, and I was being a moron and stuck my head in. For the rest of the evening I was out of it. Could’ve been a cracking way to go though.

Your twitter status this recently said that FRONT is your lad’s mag of choice, but there’s no wanking in the van. Cheers for that, but are there any other rules of the road?
G: It is! It’s our tour mag. We spent the last week stopping at petrol stations seeing if the new issue was out. The Workie Challenges fill me with fear, man.
N: As for rules, we basically never leave anything from the rider behind, hence why we have a crate of Carling in the van. If it’s free, we’re having it.
G: There isn’t much crazy stuff that goes on though, to be honest. We go to bed early and respect our elders, I think.

You don’t live up to your “Most Punk Band in the UK” title really...
G: Yea but who defines the word ‘punk’?
N: The Gallows do. You’ve got one of the band in your mag this month with his tats, right?

We do indeed...
N: You should see our merch guy, Jason from The Ghost Frequency. He’ll beat that guy any day, he’s covered. You should get him in. He’d be well up for that.

Er, maybe. Who gets more fan attention in the band: the guys or your lovely lovely girls?
G: The girls. To a lot of people they are still a novelty. There’s something really attractive about attractive girls on stage. I’m jealous if anything that we don’t get similar attention.
N: You’ve had some attention, Gareth. We did the Irish version of Jonathon Ross once, with Louis Walsh, Donal Macintyre and Sonia from Eastenders. She was hammered, and asked him for his phone number.
G: I’ve lost that phone since. Oh well.

Shame that. Finally, why should everyone buy your new album “Romance is Dead”?
N: Erm, so I can eat dinner?
G: I was offended by our album review in FRONT. You called me ‘The Duke of Fancytown’. I’m from Somerset, so how can be posh?


Pictures: Tom Young

FRONT magazine: Issue 140 April 2010

More work completed during a two week work experience placement, including the mandatory 'Workie Challenge'. Click images to enlarge.