On a knife's edge

This piece was written as a module final for my degree in journalism. The illustration I commissioned is by Phill Myatt. It is written in the style of Vice Magazine.



I’ve never witnessed a murder. Nor have I witnessed a gang fight. I’ve never seen a drugs bust, and I can’t recall a stabbing.

I’ve led a pretty sheltered life down in the countryside. I’ve been up to the city a few times, but never had any trouble with crime. I’m sure it’s out there, but it’s just not found me. Yet.

I rely on the news, films and rap music to grind down my perception of a safe environment. I’d be pretty naïve about coming across a group of grimy teens with caps down and neckerchiefs up on a street corner. Part of me would tell me to bolt, but the other half would tell me to walk on, stay cool, and don’t look them in the eye. Actually, I wouldn’t have a clue what to do.

Jack Jordan and I are polar opposites. Falling asleep and waking up to a lullaby of sirens is standard in Vineland, New Jersey where he was brought up. Stories he tells read like a Scorsese film. Police shootings, stabbings and drug deals in school are a staple diet that he’s been force-fed all his childhood.

Being immersed in criminal activity carries its disadvantages. Being banged up or killed are just a few of them. But Jack would know what to do with that group of grimy teens. I asked him whether growing up looking over your shoulder has given him the life-skills to save his skin elsewhere, and if he’d change a thing.

Vice: Tell me about your hometown. What was the atmosphere like?
Jack Jordan: I lived about 30 minutes outside of Philly. The area that my house was in was fine. It was a white, middle class area. But my high school and town wasn’t so great. There’s a lot of immigration with Puerto Ricans and Mexicans and they really don’t get on. Most are illegal, and it’s got pretty bad seeing as they can shoot up a place or rob it and just jump on a plane home. These race feuds carry on in the schools too. There was a month-long ‘war’ between the PR’s and the blacks with bats, knuckle-dusters and a couple of guns found in lockers. That’s the worst the atmosphere has been. It all started when I was a freshman, and a black friend’s older brother got shot by the PR’s at the movies. School got so bad that at one point there were always 2 or 3 policemen in each building strapped with a gun and club. Everyone was on edge.

How often does shit like that happen?
There’s an occasional murder here and there, but not as bad as in a ghetto, say, like in Compton. Drugs busts are high. Kids were always selling weed and other stuff in school. I was never dumb enough to buy pot in school, but drugs were everywhere. I could’ve got you anything from pot to heroin, coke to crystal meth within a few phone calls. All that kinda died down after 10th grade, because a lot of scumbags dropped out. The dropout rate was real high, like 40%.

Is it just the kids that are crazy?
No way. Philly is renowned for having the most brutal sports fans for any event. When they won the World Series I literally walked into a full-on riot. Bottles were flying everywhere, teargas was spewing all over the place and the riot police came in on a school-bus, sat two-by-two. I saw one guy get knocked sparko by a billy-club, and some chick get her head split by a flying bottle. Cars were being flipped and lampposts were pushed horizontal. The people from around there are nuts, and I never realised just how nuts until I moved away to Uni.

What do the cops do? Is anyone afraid of them?
I wouldn’t say they’re not afraid. It’s more to do with the kids getting so used to the way of life that they just couldn’t care less. The cops do what they need to do, in most cases. A friend of a friend the other night just totally lost it and murdered his grandma with a baseball bat. He was a loose cannon, man. The cops had to gun him down. But there are a lot of officers who are just dicks. I met this cop on a night out who said he’d go to a bar, drink with a Mexican guy and get him all fucked up. When he’d leave to drive home, they’d pull him for DUI. Most of the police that I know aren’t the most educated guys, but some are just plain corrupt.

How do you avoid getting caught up in all of it?
It’s easy to avoid, and easy to get caught up in. That was the only positive about the situation: you had the choice. But trouble is there if you want it. Most of the safe parties we went to would get a bit shady when the big-time dealers would roll up. You could sense shit would hit the fan, so you’d leave or ride it out.

You seem like you’d take the former option of sensing it and getting out. You’ve travelled to loads of places, so has this ‘sense’ helped you stay away from trouble in other countries?
I reckon I’ve learnt to adapt to my environment pretty well. Most of the time I can tell five minutes before something’s going to kick off, whether it’s body language or what have you. I don’t tend to get caught off-guard because I know how important it is to be aware of what’s going on around you.

Have you ever had to act on these instincts during your travels?
I studied in London for a few years, in an area prevalent with gangs. I saw these four guys in a street, two on each side, talking to each other. I could tell something was going to spark up. It did. One dude crossed the road and just cracked a guy square in the face, and I ran in and grabbed him to stop him from probably knocking the other dude out. His mate ran off, and when I let go he legged it too. If I hadn’t understood that something was going to happen, I would have been caught up in it for sure.

How much do you owe to your hometown for helping you stay away from violent situations?
A lot. There were a few parties back home that I’ve just left because it was getting too much in there. Not many other places are so violent that you think have to leave to save yourself from getting hurt, or even to save your own life. The problem is the kids who number up and get all brave. That’s when people get hurt. At my graduation after-party two crack head brothers got stabbed, one in the ribs and the other in the neck, and got airlifted out. I was glad I decided to go before. As I said, you have the choice to leave or stick around to get involved.

If you could, would you choose to grow up somewhere else other than Vineland, NJ?
No way. I’ve learnt so much about a wide array of people and cultures. It’s made me aware of myself in my surroundings, which definitely comes in handy for someone who’s travelled, and is gonna do a lot more in the future.
The names in this article have been changed.

FRONT Magazine Issue 141: Lower Than Atlantis Commission

Particularly proud of this article as this is the first piece that I've been paid for. This is how it appears in the magazine:



WORDS:

Ring-shrinkingly loud Watford boys Lower Than Atlantis are heirs to Alkaline Trio’s gobby punk crown, but what do they make of FRONT’s golden shower?

How goes it, guys?
M: I’m not bad. Fucking hungover to be honest with you actually. I went to some crappy hardcore show in Watford last night, then into Camden.
How did your FRONT shoot go?
M: It was good. I was really sick though, and pretty stressed from the drive over. Actually, did you find a pair of trousers we left there? It had a wad of cash in it that we owed a girlfriend.
Absolutely not. Essentially you were a bunch of trouserless guys getting all wet in an April shower together?
M: Yea, we certainly loved that. Getting wet is really fun when you’re sick. You should have drawn dicks all over our faces in post-production, and some smart facial hair to make us look even cooler.
Nobody got sea-sick and puked their dirty little guts up all over the place, right?
M: Not that I know of. I could have done, but I got horny and spunked everywhere instead.
Wow. Er, moving on... you’re about to embark on a crazy-long tour. Where y’all most excited to play?
B: Italy, man! It’s not usually on the European tours, and we’ll get to see the San Siro.
M: We’re gonna try real hard to impress the effin’ hot Italian chicks out there too. We’ve decided to get some of them Bruno hotpants and run around like little children shouting “Oh Hai!”.
That’s one way to freak the piss out of the other bands you’re touring with...
M: Too right. Nah, we’re real excited to play with I Am Ghost and Eyes Set to Kill. I don’t mind having to play in front of 14-year-old boys with make-up as long as they dig our band. We’re kinda used to it really. We used to play a lot of metal gigs, like, serious kill-babies style shit. So we’re used to people not liking us.
You’ll be stuck out there for a while - what are your essential tour items?
M: Arse-less chaps, vibrators, lube, rope, and bananas for potassium.
B: To be honest, we barely bring fuck all. Wash-bags, and that’s about it.
You getting any lady-attention now that you’ve exploded onto the scene?
M: Listen, when you’re as good looking as us, you get loads of it. Actually, I had a car-crash of a bird following me around last night. I’m single and up for a laugh. Make sure you print that. Please.
Well the lady-talent in Watford sounds smashing. You describe them in one song as “fat slags who wear shit clothes” that “make you ill”...
M: Watford is full of kids pushing kids in prams. They’re dirty chavs. We were all watching some old tour footage together recently, and a chavvy little bitch walked into my house, bit me on the arm and then poured beer everywhere. When she left all her mates smashed my windows in. In the middle of the day. Fucking crackers. But you need issues to write half decent songs.
You write about personal experiences, some pretty funny, some pretty intimate. You’re going to write a song about your FRONT shoot for us, yea?
M: Erm, OK. I’ll have a think about a title and get back to you.
What will your opening line be?
M: Give me a minute...OK. “The other day we had a lot of fun at the FRONT shoot. But this interview is shit and we want to put this on mute...” I’m clearly joking mate, I like you. I’m gonna add you on Facebook right now.
You little joker. I’m guessing you’re pretty excited about April Fools then?
M: We had a massive debate at the shoot about April Fool’s. We thought about spreading the rumour that it was International Apple Juice day, and giving out cups of the stuff for free. But we’ll give one out that’s full of piss.
B: Yea, we wanna make it good. No one goes all out for April Fool’s any more. Real shame.
Finally, we don’t reckon Atlantis really exists. Kinda like Unicorns, and Ronnie Corbett. But if it does, what’ll you find down there? Crabs?
M: Crabs? Fuck, who have you been talking to...

Hidden Dragon Review for Snow Magazine

Published HERE

Chris Sayer discovers luxury of a very different kind in one of Switzerland’s exclusive resorts.

Luxury can be measured in many ways on a skiing holiday: the luxury of ski-in ski-out; of fine dining; or even of a private cinema. All of these are available at Veysonnaz brand new idyllic retreat but what’s more, not many chalets can offer the luxury of returning home healthier, re-energised, and entirely relaxed.

Hidden Dragon is a privately-owned sophisticated and elegant hideaway alpine lodge, with Eastern touches and Feng-Shui principles through-out. Owner Ashlee Benis’ Japanese heritage has played a huge part in her architectural design, but even so the emphasis remains on comfort, tranquillity and select furnishings. You’ll sink into each bed and sofa and love the air of exclusivity in the Gentleman’s boot-room, decked out with a leather Union Jack ottoman and pop-art cow prints.

The lodge’s private chef, Jon, is enchantingly passionate about his food and the range of local sources he uses. Following the healthy ethos of the lodge, Chef can offer a variety of dishes that won’t undo all the exercise you’ve done on the mountain and that use the finest ingredients from the surrounding community. The homemade frozen banana yoghurt in the morning is a welcome energy boost for aching muscles.

But if that doesn’t help you loosen up, then spa manager Carol will. A tailor-made treatment can be produced for you, from deep tissue massages to the more relaxing therapies: enough to make the toughest of clients weep or sleep, respectively. The spa also provides a hot-tub as well as an indoor and outdoor Yoga deck. The Hamam, a Turkish wet steam bath, is an effective way to cleanse the body and alleviate any lactic acid to make sure the next day’s skiing is as good as possible.

And the skiing is certainly as good as it gets. Veysonnaz is in the heart of the 400km 4 Valleys domain which links with Nendaz, Verbier and Thyon, but remains a quaint and quiet resort with only 4000 beds: a fraction of the size of Verbier, but equally beautiful slopes. The ski to Nendaz and back is an ideal goal for a day with a variety of skiing surroundings and many places to grab a quick weissbier or lunch.

On return, the staff are waiting in your own private outdoor ice-bar, complete with log fire for toasting marshmallows and a ‘snow-fa’ (a sofa carved into the snow with thick blankets draped over the top) to kick back and enjoy a drink or two. With Hidden Dragon’s mantra of “surprise and delight”, little unexpected details like this continue through your stay, so many of which I can’t bring myself to discuss for fear of spoiling the surprise for you.

This is a luxury that can’t be found in expensive shops, designer labels or costly commodities. Hidden Dragon is more concerned with the luxury of you returning home feeling unexpectedly brilliant. In fact, it’s the luxury of having your expectations exceeded at every opportunity. I know mine were.

This isn’t just a five-star holiday. It’s a five-star experience.

Prices for a week at Hidden Dragon start at approximately £24,000 and sleeps 12 people. For more information, visit www.hidden-dragon.com.

Los Campesinos! interview for FRONTARMY

Published HERE


Super wicked indy-pop rabble Los Campesinos! are one of the few bands that can cheer us up no matter what. Just the other day, we cracked out their fine new album “Romance is Dead” when we found out that you can’t cook popcorn in a kettle. We caught up with Gareth and Neil to say cheers...

Hola Los Campesinos! How y’all doing?
N: Feeling really good! We played London last night, and it went amazingly well.
G: Yea, we were stressing about it because it’s such a big gig, but now it’s over we can kinda relax a bit. Gigs like that justify why we dick around in a band instead of doing something more worthwhile.

So there’s a butt-load of you all, do you have a collective term? Like a gaggle of geese, or tit-load of lobsters...
N: A hunk of shit?
G: Or a collection of morons? We’re up to eight now. The closer we can get to being a football team the better really. That’s where we’re headed.

Is it true that you’re the “second most punk band in the UK”?
N: No. We’re the first now.
G: We were in second place when The Gallows were being touted as ‘the most punk band to have ever existed’. We didn’t want to challenge that, so we settled for second. There’s less pressure in second place.
N: But now they’ve done some record of ballads, so we’ve leap-frogged them.

While you’ve been acting like true Punksters has anyone taken the song title Death to Los Campesinos! literally?
N: You got you’re head caught in an elevator the other night? That was the closest we’ve got to death for a few nights.
G: I didn’t realise just how stupid that idea was. In fancy lifts the doors can sense movement, right? But this was in some shopping centre in Aberdeen, and I was being a moron and stuck my head in. For the rest of the evening I was out of it. Could’ve been a cracking way to go though.

Your twitter status this recently said that FRONT is your lad’s mag of choice, but there’s no wanking in the van. Cheers for that, but are there any other rules of the road?
G: It is! It’s our tour mag. We spent the last week stopping at petrol stations seeing if the new issue was out. The Workie Challenges fill me with fear, man.
N: As for rules, we basically never leave anything from the rider behind, hence why we have a crate of Carling in the van. If it’s free, we’re having it.
G: There isn’t much crazy stuff that goes on though, to be honest. We go to bed early and respect our elders, I think.

You don’t live up to your “Most Punk Band in the UK” title really...
G: Yea but who defines the word ‘punk’?
N: The Gallows do. You’ve got one of the band in your mag this month with his tats, right?

We do indeed...
N: You should see our merch guy, Jason from The Ghost Frequency. He’ll beat that guy any day, he’s covered. You should get him in. He’d be well up for that.

Er, maybe. Who gets more fan attention in the band: the guys or your lovely lovely girls?
G: The girls. To a lot of people they are still a novelty. There’s something really attractive about attractive girls on stage. I’m jealous if anything that we don’t get similar attention.
N: You’ve had some attention, Gareth. We did the Irish version of Jonathon Ross once, with Louis Walsh, Donal Macintyre and Sonia from Eastenders. She was hammered, and asked him for his phone number.
G: I’ve lost that phone since. Oh well.

Shame that. Finally, why should everyone buy your new album “Romance is Dead”?
N: Erm, so I can eat dinner?
G: I was offended by our album review in FRONT. You called me ‘The Duke of Fancytown’. I’m from Somerset, so how can be posh?


Pictures: Tom Young

FRONT magazine: Issue 140 April 2010

More work completed during a two week work experience placement, including the mandatory 'Workie Challenge'. Click images to enlarge.

Published @ TimesOnline

Follow these links to see my work on The Times website:

Bargain-hunters ring up £120 million sales online on Christmas Day

Lloyds grows in confidence as institutional investors jump at new CoCos

FRONT magazine: Issue 139 March 2010

Work completed during a two week work experience placement, which was sorted off the back of the Cancer Bats interview below. Click images to enlarge.

Work published with Devon Life Magazine: January 2010 edition (four-page spread)

Work published with Devon Life Magazine: January 2010 edition

Published Work at The Times Newspaper

Click, then click again to enlarge.





Justice bios:

Cancer Bats Interview & Photos for Front Magazine.

Published HERE

With perhaps the sweetest name in the business and more facial hairs than we’d care to count, Mike and Jaye from Cancer Bats stopped to chat about Sting, trannys and ‘weird hangy bits’...

The name Cancer Bats was thought up by putting a disease and an animal together. If Cancer Bats was taken, what would you have gone for? You can’t say Eczema Mackerels or Gout Weasels. They’re our suggestions.
Mike: We had to choose between our name and ‘Pneumonia Hawk’, which we later decided to call one of our songs instead.
Jaye: There’s this band in Montréal called AIDS Wolf; I thought that was a pretty abrasive name. Liam [lead vocals] nicked their idea. They’re like weird, arty, indie rock stuff.

The next album is going to be called Bears, Mayors, Scraps and Bones. Was there some formula for picking that name too?
Mike: Ah, that’s a secret.

Really?
Mike: Put it this way, I am the bear; Jaye is the bone, Jaye-Bone Malone; Liam is Scrappy or Le Scrap; and Scott [hairy guitarist] is the Mayor of 'Scoeb City', so, yea. It came to Liam in a dream.
Jaye: Yea, it came to him when we were all trying to figure out what to call it, and he came to us saying “What if it’s just all our nicknames?”. It kinda just flows. It’s totally ridiculous at the same time.

In the video for Hail Destroyer you have some gnarly looking wolves trotting around all over the set. Did anyone get bitten/maimed/digested?
Mike: One of the camera guys got jumped by a wolf. It didn’t bite him, but it cracked him in the face and he started bleeding so he had to go to the hospital. He was back in the afternoon after some stitches though.
Later in the video one seems to want to eat Liam’s face, and gets pretty close...
Mike: Yea, erm, there’s some camera magic going on there. That wolf that jumped hated this other wolf, and the handlers brought them close together and they got insanely vicious.

You all appear in Bring Me The Horizon’s video for Chelsea Smile. How did you manage that?
Mike: We were just in town and BMTH said they’d love us to be in their video. We just said “fuck it”; it was only a two hour drive and we went down for the morning, hoping for some sweet catering. And yea, there was no catering.
Jaye: And we look like the most boring dudes in that video too. They shot our part early on because we had to sound-check our show in London, so we didn’t get to be in the party parts. But by like 11.30am I was like, “I’m drunk”. It was real early.

So what’s with the beards? Who started the cornflake catcher revolution? Even Sting is looking like an extra out of some Jesus-based movie...
Jaye: Scott has had a beard since he was like, ten. And I hate shaving, which is good because we get a lot of compliments about them from people.
Mike: In hockey during the play-offs everyone grows their beards, it’s just a thing the players do, and we all wanted play-off beards. But Liam’s, his was so gross. He gets weird hangy bits. So gross.

What’s this I hear about a Beastie Boys cover?
Mike: Yea, that is recorded. But it won’t be on the new album. Hopefully it’s gonna come out as a seven-inch before the record, but don’t hold me to that.

Did you guys get up to anything on Halloween?
Jaye: We played a special show in Nottingham, at Rock City. Mike dressed up as some sort of tranny.
Mike: Nah, I was a zombie-tranny. Scott went as a Viking but I don’t really count that as dressing up. He just put on the clothes that he should normally wear.

Finally, why should everyone buy your new album next year?
Jaye: Because it rules.
Mike: It’ll rock your balls off.

Cancer Bats new ball-rocking album ‘Bears, Mayors, Scraps and Bones’ will be available in March 2010.

Words and pictures: Chris Sayer

Cancer Bats: Hail Destroyer

-ENDS-
683 words

SKINDRED AT PRINCESS PAVILIONS

Published HERE

Skindred are different. Very different. In fact, there’s nobody else out there like them. Their reggae-come-dance-come-metal-come-rap could easily have been a case of ‘bitten off more than you can chew’. Maybe for us mere mortals, but for Benji Webbe and his crew the sound is as brilliant as it is distinct.

YouTube videos reveal their recent Sonisphere festival slot to have been little short of epic. If Falmouth could match even a slice of that, then this gig was going to be electric.

Karnivool, blending a twist of A Perfect Circle and Sense Field, were first to play. Like an extra from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Lead singer Ian Kenny’s dorky and dumb stage presence was irritating to begin with, but slowly fitted into the eerie melodies and catchy riffs that also makes his sideline band Birds of Tokyo so popular. With an album definitely worth a listen set for release in the UK soon, the Aussies’ really set the standards from the off.

However, the second support slot fell to Dead By April. Frankly, if there is a book on how to be a whiney, wet emo band then this lot have read it. Several times. Maybe even listened to the audio books. Nevertheless the masses of black-clad adolescents seemed to love the Scandinavian group, and that’s who they were there to play to.

Finally, and luckily, it was Skindred’s turn to boss the stage. And boss it they did. Benji Webbe, the only Welsh-Rastafarian lead singer in the business, instantly charged the audience with his spiky machine-gun reggae rap, skewed with the booming jaws of a metal growl. This Jekyll/Hyde effect stirred up the near sold out audience with everyone bouncing unanimously to every beat of every song.

Even his philosophical fillers on unity, brotherhood and music downloads kept the crowd hanging on to his every word. When he commanded everyone dance, dance everyone did. When he commanded everyone to calm down, calm down they did.

Songs such as ‘Rat Race’, ‘Pressure’ and ‘Nobody’ were crowd favourites, as well as the cover of Eddie Grant’s ‘Electric Avenue’ which the front-man seemed to take particular pleasure in reciting.

Unfortunately, the encore was cut short after bouncers struggled to restrain one martyr/fool, who went against everything Benji had said during the evening. With a simple “Right, thank you, goodnight” they were off the stage and the lights were up.

That aside, it’s a wonder why this band isn’t a huge British sensation. The only similarities that can be drawn with other bands are in The Prodigy and Pendulum, who also cross genres and appeal to huge numbers with enormous success.

Maybe it’s a good thing that Skindred aren’t radio regulars for now. Falmouth could do with more nights like this on a regular basis. And there is only one band that can do it. (Chris Sayer)

Skindred’s new album, Shark Bites and Dog Fights, is available now on Bieler Bros Records.

Devon Weddings Sept '09 article: Serving Something Special

From your ring to your dress and your favours to your flowers, all factors for your big day are tailor-made to exactly how you want them. And the catering should be no exception.

Philippa Sayer of Sayers Catering has run her own catering business for a successful 25 years. She knows better than anyone else that the traditional fork buffet is becoming a thing of the past.



“People are increasingly opting for a meal to be served to their guests, rather than choosing the time-honoured buffet. The menu can be as diverse as the bride and groom like: there has been some very different and effective meals served in the past.” She says.

Huge platters of Fruite De Mer and baskets of home-made chips served to each table is just one example of a totally different approach to your wedding breakfast. With a choice of fresh and local lobster, crab, mussels, oysters, crevettes and langoustine accompanied with various mayonnaises and salads, this is a wow-factor dish which also allows the guests to hand pick what they desire, as well as spark friendly banter on each table.

Another hands-on approach is to provide each table with a leg of Devon lamb, with only an apron and carving knife for one guest to carve and serve to their hungry acquaintances. This option is a definite assault on the senses, with the sight, smell and taste surely leaving all with something to talk about for the rest of the evening.

For the less practical, individual pies of the bride and groom’s choice can be placed in front of each guest. South Hams beef and ale or fresh Salcombe fish and seafood are much-loved British fillings. Complemented by local, seasonal vegetables and topped with puff pastry or smooth mash, the mix of local ingredients in a national favourite will keep all your guests more than happy, and full.

Even the traditional wedding cake appears to be losing appeal. Philippa says, “The perfect alternative to fruit cake is a tiered chocolate dessert.” The rich pudding is engulfed delicately with white cigarillos, which are crushed as a topping. Decorated with flowers to keep in accordance with the floral decoration of the venue, after being cut by the bride and groom it is served with summer fruit and a mixed berry coulis.

“I feel it is important to use as much local produce as possible. But occasionally it is necessary to go further afield.” Philippa says. Intercontinental weddings often prompt a national or international search, with one example including specialist French goose livers needed for a traditional Frois Gras, served with pear chutney.

Keeping with the worldwide theme, canapés can be an interesting way for your guests to take just a small taste of a different country. Peking duck pancakes with spring onion and cucumber are a mouthful of China, whereas little Thai fishcakes with a sweet chilli dipping sauce are always a hit.

That is not to say that the local canapés are dull: they are far from it. Fillet of beef on a crisp croute with a mustard mayonnaise, or even warm sausages with the same accompaniment are hounded by guests to go with their champagne at the pre-dinner gathering, whereas local crab in delicate home-made filo baskets are sought by the eagle eyed. Sourcing local produce not only creates a talking point for your guests, but also installs confidence in that you’re providing the freshest food possible.

The traditional wedding seems to be shifting rapidly, with precedence given to what the bride and groom want to taste, rather than what the guests are expecting. Of course the traditional wedding buffet is a certain way to give your party exactly what they’d like, but for something that will be remembered, give your menu some thought, and try something different.

Philippa Sayer has run her business from Churchstow, Kingsbridge for 25 years. Visit her website at www.sayerscatering.co.uk, or ring her on (01548) 856714.

Snow Magazine Editorial: Pleasure Without Pain

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The Grateful Dead

It is hard enough making your millions when you still have a pulse but for a select few, even the next life can not prevent them raking it in, writes Chris Sayer

Heath Ledger is gone, but definitely not forgotten. His recent haul of awards, including an Oscar last night for his part in Batman: The Dark Knight, have boosted his income to an estimated $35 million, all of which will go to his young daughter Matilda.

Positioning him at a respectable third on Forbes’ Top Earning Dead Celebrities, Ledger’s Joker role has arguably become one of those legendary performances that define a career. For a film that has taken over $1 billion worldwide, some sort of revenue back to the man that played such a huge part is definitely deserved.

Many sceptics, though, feel the hype and mystery surrounding his death has surpassed his acting skills in rocketing him to the top of the prosperous posthumous list. As the subject of many internet blogs, the role that has earned him prestigious awards this year has come under some scrutiny. One blogger on Entertainment Weekly, Josh, commented: “Ledger did a good job as the Joker, but no better than Philip Seymour Hoffman in his portrayal of Father Flynn in Doubt. I'm not sure why everyone thinks that acting awards need to be given out to the actors in the years most popular movies. The awards are ideally about talent, not about popularity.”

Even so, many of Ledger’s fans have stuck by him without doubt. Many feel his acting skills more than deserve to be recognized at the Oscars. Cameron, another blogger, writes: “Heath is without a doubt an Oscar winner for his role as the Joker. He should have won for the role of Ennis Del Mar in ‘Brokeback Mountain’. Just the range between those two parts is beyond compare.”

Undisputedly and deservedly however, the staple at the top of the list is the King himself. Since 2001, Elvis has only missed out on the top spot once, to former Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain in 2006 after his widow Courtney Love sold a 25% stake of his song catalogue for $50 million.

Nevertheless, for a second year in a row Elvis’ $52 million pay cheque last year sets him above all others, with the 30th anniversary of his death in 2007 helping to increase CD sales and admission to his Graceland home attraction. In previous years, Elvis has continued to get to the UK number one music chart spot, even getting three different chart toppers in four weeks in 2005. When compared to Madonna’s $40 million income, Elvis’ earning power from beyond the grave is better than any other living musician.

Like Heath Ledger, another debutant on the list this year is actor Paul Newman, who died at the age of 83 last September. Although since 1982 all the $250 million profit from his salad dressings, organic popcorn and spaghetti sauces went to charity, keeping his legacy alive through foodstuffs has kept his film role wage, for characters such as Butch Cassidy, at an estimated $5 million.

However, the next life is the only place for some that money making begins. This is true of author John Kennedy Toole. His book, A Confederacy of Dunces, despite his best efforts, could not get published anywhere, resulting dramatically in his suicide. Ironically, due to his death the book was snapped up by publishers and is now a cult classic. Toole even won a posthumous Pulitzer Prize for it in 1981: one of only two of the awards to be given to deceased authors.

For these select few, life’s ultimate demise poses no problem in keeping the bank balance healthy. Supporting a family after death is something everybody wants to do. Before taxes and agency fees, the 13 top earning celebrities combined earned almost $200 million according to Forbes’ list. Enjoying the money in this world would be nothing to complain about, but certainly, everyone would settle for making such a killing in the next life.

Catching Reel Big Fish in Falmouth

The OC’s ultimate party band talks Wagamama, Golf and the Welsh with Chris Sayer.

For many people, the OC conveys spoilt little rich kids in their parents Range Rovers driving to High School. But little would you expect one of America’s most renowned ska punk bands to hail from the same area. With a new album just released, Reel Big Fish have ventured into Cornwall to play Falmouth Princess Pavilions and by the sounds of it are more hyper and excitable than ever. If you grew up in the nineties and have never heard of Reel Big Fish, then frankly, where have you been?

Your new album is called “Fame, Fortune and Fornication”. How did you choose this name?
Aaron Barrett (lead singer): We’re a band that loves alliteration. We’re famous, we’re rich, and we like to fornicate. It just seemed fitting. We actually got it from the film ‘Still Crazy’, and I was watching it, and said to myself: ‘Oh my God, that’s the best name for an album ever.’ It’s perfect.


We don’t usually see you in Cornwall. How often have you toured the UK?
Ryland Steen (drums): We come to the UK every year, some times twice a year.
Aaron: I’d say we’ve been to the UK about ten times.
Ryland: We tend to do extensive tours when we come to the UK, and we hit everywhere we can.
Aaron: Even Wales.


With such an extensive tour, you spend a lot of time on the bus with each other. What’s it like?
Aaron: Just imagine a really small flat with ten dudes, sleeping in bunk beds and with one bathroom. Not nice.


How do you calm down after your energetic performances each night?
Ryland: We usually hang out on the tour bus, or go round to a bar. But during the day you can walk around and generally see where you’re at. Today actually I went up to the [Pendennis] Castle. It’s pretty cool. It’s £5 to get in though. But it’s worth it. It’s cool.
Aaron: I don’t care about the scenery. I just care about the people. I just want to see the people.


Some bands when they come over say that their British fans are more receptive to their music than back in the States. Is this true for you?
Aaron: Lots of bands like to kiss everybody’s ass. But you guys are awesome. America is awesome too. For us, we got lucky and got famous in the UK, because we were on TV and got a big push in magazines. I don’t know, you all just took a liking to us. The shows are really big and fun and you guys are loud and crazy, so we love you. You’re our kind of people. Even Wales.


What’s on your iPod? What have you been listening to recently?
Aaron: I was listening to the ‘Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?’ soundtrack last night.
Ryland: I was listening to Duran Duran earlier. I also like Elbow and Elvis Costello right now.



Aaron, some say you like your death metal. Do you listen to that a lot?
Aaron: I really love Cannibal Corpse. And I would put Slipknot into the death metal category as well.
Ryland: Really?
Aaron: Yea, they’re more like pop-death metal though. If I could put Cannibal Corpse and Slipknot together and make one band, it would be beautiful. We played some festivals with Slipknot, and they kicked everyone out of backstage.


You tour for so long, and you’ll inevitably miss your families. But what does the UK offer that the States can’t?
Aaron: I’m on my first divorce. But I like getting kebabs here. We don’t have kebabs.
Ryland: Double-decker tour bus. We never get those in the US. There’s no Wagamama in the US either.
Aaron: Yea there is?
Ryland: Sure?


When you actually get any free time, what do you like to do?
Ryland: I like to play golf. And I hang out with my dog.
Aaron: Oh, really Rock and Roll!
Ryland: Well, I’ve been surfing once.


What are the songs that the fans demand you play at every gig?
Ryland: Beer and Take on Me.
Aaron: Sell Out people like, but it’s not as worldwide. It was our big hit in America, but it’s been over ten years since it was a hit. So if we didn’t play Sell Out, it really wouldn’t matter. If we didn’t play Beer there would be a riot.


What’s next for Reel Big Fish?
Ryland: Reel Big Fish is always going to be touring and writing songs. So we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing. I think a goal for this year is to get a new record out. That’s our goal.
Aaron: He’s the straight man, giving all the answers.
Ryland: One of us has got to do it.
Aaron: I don’t care what you say, I’m hilarious.

Fortune, Fame and Fornication is available to buy in shops and for download now. To see the band’s further tour dates, visit their site www.reel-big-fish.com.

( Article published at: http://www.scene-magazine.com/musicscene.php?musicId=227&pageId=6&issuedate=1 )

Valkyrie: Near miss for the Fuhrer or Cruise?

For once, a Cruise display the public won’t be laughing about, writes Chris Sayer.

In recent years, his persona has spiralled recklessly out of control. From squirm-worthy displays of affection on the Opera Winfrey show, to his beliefs in Scientology and the validity of his relationship to Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, it is fair to say, hasn’t been taken all too seriously of late.

However, this year’s release of Valkyrie is a chance for him to claw back some credibility.

Cruise spearheads an all star cast as Col. Claus Von Stauffenberg: the brains behind the final attempt to assassinate Adolf Hitler. Flanked by an array of British familiar faces, including Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson and Kenneth Branagh, the plot is laid out from the start. Germany is destined to lose the war as long as the Fuhrer is still alive.

Valkyrie revolves around the madness of Hitler’s leadership as the reason for the German downfall and the assassination attempts. Unlike most war recreations, director Bryan Singer omits any Allied responsibility for the disarray in the Nazi party, instead fronts it as an internal problem, giving the picture a fresh and unbiased stance.

The influx of multiple accents within the cast, however, hinders the suspension of disbelief and keeps the audience at arms length from becoming engrossed with the events. In fact most of the time spent during the two hours is thinking back to where you saw that actor or what she has been in before.

The majority of the audience will know how the film ends before they enter the cinema, posing Singer with one major problem: how to keep the audience sat in their seats. Cleverly, Singer chooses to involve Stauffenberg’s wife and very Aryan children as the subject of tension as to whether they escape Hitler’s grip. Maybe a weak way out, but perhaps the only option as the fate of the main characters is sealed before the title credits scroll up.

It seems a very risk-free role taken on by Cruise, with the blanket of respectable actors buffering any criticism with their far more charged performances. Nevertheless, it’s still a solid performance, but one not worthy of any awards. More notably is David Bamber’s extremely dark and twisted portrayal of Hitler, especially as former credits have only really come in the form of minor film and soap roles.

Singer and Cruise have obviously both played a safe card in a potential mine field of upset and criticism. It won’t be a film you have to see over and over again, but without doubt its underlying few-against-many message will have you thinking long after it is over.

Falmouth's RadioWave to relaunch

University College Falmouth’s student radio station “Radiowave” is re-launching in January with the intention to make the New Year a success.

“Radiowave” has been running for three years and features a mix of budding DJs from all years and courses at both of UCF campuses, playing a huge variety of music from dub step and indie to eighties and urban, all streamed online.

A launch party, set to take place on Thursday 22 January in the Stannery at Tremough is hoping to increase people’s awareness of the station and to increase listener numbers.

The event will start at 8pm, and play host to live DJs such as Ciaran McEntee, James Hawgood and FXU President Karl Shaddick, as well as food and drinks promotions being arranged during the lead up to the event.

On top of increasing listener numbers, the station is planning on receiving more finances for competition prizes, encouraging live music on campus and on “Radiowave” its self, promoting FXU events, and using the radio shows as a platform to encourage students to produce their own music.

All those involved at the station anticipate a huge change in the way “Radiowave” is to be received in the New Year: “I don’t think that its importance in the university is fully recognised and understood. I mean it is a form of mass communication, and that should count for something.” says Holly Horseman, a DJ at the station.

“Yes we have been away for a while, and yes last term wasn’t amazing, but we are back. It’s going to be a huge year.”

You can listen to “Radiowave” online at http://streaming.falmouth.ac.uk/fca_radio/.

FlyBe new year deal disorder

FlyBe’s New Year policy has been accused of attempting to exploit the financially unstable in a bid to increase sales in this year’s credit crunch.

FlyBe’s new “Book With Confidence” policy promises free redundancy cancellation insurance, meaning a full refund will be offered to anyone who has bought a ticket in January travelling before October 24, and been made redundant by an employer of two years or more.

However, action group “Plane Stupid” have criticised the new deal as “exploiting the vulnerable financial situation of those who can least afford it”.

Press Officer of the action group, Leo Murray, went on to say: “This sounds like more cynical profiteering of the kind that got us into this economic mess in the first place. It also smacks of the increasing desperation of the aviation industry as customers flock away from luxury goods and services”.

FlyBe, who are based at Exeter Airport, claim it has designed the policy to give unrivalled reassurance to consumers “looking to start the New Year with a well earned break”.

Mike Rutter, Chief Commercial Officer at FlyBe says “We know that holidays and breaks are important to our passengers, and that’s why we’ve introduced what we believe is a totally unmatched offer in the aviation world.”

Last January, founder of “Plane Stupid” Joss Gorman was named as one of The Observer’s “50 people who could save the planet” for his aviation campaign strategies.

The same month, FlyBe signed a franchise deal with Scottish airline Loganair, which saw Loganair aircraft flying in FlyBe colours on 55 routes from Scotland.

Found Somewhere Nice To Eat?

With everyday prices rocketing higher than a red bull fuelled sparrow, belts around the country are collectively being tightened, and shopping trips are becoming more and more menacing. The mention of anything going for free in Britain’s current situation is music to anyone’s ears. Food bills especially are universally increasing, with students and parents finding that open mouths are costing more and more to fill. Jamie Oliver’s arch nemesis, junk food, therefore seems like a cheaper, easier option to slap on plates, fuelling obesity, which ultimately creates the cycle of eating more, and costing more. There seems to be no hope.

When it’s game over, return to the start. The answer to food expenses could be simply returning to nature: foraging the forests, reaping the rivers. Nature can provide more food than any McDonald’s menu could ever dream of – healthy, easy food for free. Of course, it’s not going to be as easy as sitting in your armchair ordering a take-away. But there is only so much Korma a man can take.

Here in Cornwall, we are gifted with three sides of the county being kissed by the ocean. Conveniently the sea has an almost identical mineral balance to the human body. Any fan of the Chinese menu will know seaweed as the crispy, greasy starter. Seaweed from the beaches though has all the minerals from the sea, with very few toxins absorbed, making it perfect for the body to top up any imbalances. Different types of seaweed can be dried out, boiled, and even uncooked, depending on how you want to use it.

Crab is often associated with expensive restaurants and people who can afford to spend the time picking the rich fleshy meat from inside the shell. But having such a pricey source of food on your doorstep for free is more than inviting. “With increased prices in fuel for boats, the cost of crab has increased.” says Arwenak Fish of Falmouth. “For handpicked Cornish crab, you’re looking to spend a minimum of £17.30 a pound.”
Scattered along the shores of all the world’s oceans, no permit is needed to take crab, as long as it is under fifty a day, not carrying eggs and are over 4 1/8 inches wide. Using pots are obviously the easiest and perhaps most effective method, but without them it’s a case of risking your fingers and diving for them.

Falmouth is abundant with fish, mainly due to the port being the third deepest in the world, is rich in variety. “This time of year, bass seems to be the most popular fish we are selling.” Arwenak say. But at £6 a lb, equating to £24 on average per fish, catching and cooking your own seems the clever option. Just off the Prince of Wales Pier in Falmouth, you can expect to hook pollack, mackerel and flounder: all a very good source of Omega 3, which seems to be getting as much media coverage as ITV reality TV shows.

If you prefer not to get wet however, foraging through forests could provide an endless bounty of food. The season for mushrooms is just coming to an end: it starts in September, but only lasts a few weeks. Obviously, some varieties are going to play havoc if you eat them, so the best idea is to fully research the mushroom you’ve picked. There are numerous B vitamins in mushrooms and also contain a powerful antioxidant. Locally, the best place to spot them is in grassy areas beside beaches, in woodland areas and in fields and parks. Remember to thoroughly check which mushroom you’ve picked before you eat it. Could turn out to be the last one you eat.

Very few times is there a possibility to eat something that you feared as a child. Unless you had a very irrational fear of say, cucumber. But nettles, which contain 40% protein, are the original super food. In fact, you’d have to eat a sink full of kale to get the same amount of protein from one serving on nettles. Lyn Pollard, of Courtyard Deli, Falmouth advises to “treat nettles like spinach: although a totally different taste, they are great as soup, in quiche, with cheese or as drinking tea”. To get rid of the sting, boil or steam them, which also unlocks their nutty flavour. Count yourself lucky though – at the Nettle Eating World Championships contestants have to eat nettles straight from the plant, which turns their tongue black.

Bravery may have to play a part in the final menu idea. Garden snails. If you haven’t run a mile at that thought, then it is a good idea to feed your freshly caught molluscs on fresh vegetables, or even porridge, for a few days to flush any potentially harmful toxins and contents of their stomach. To cook them, plunge them into boiling water, wine or cider and removed from the shell. If you fancy serving them in their shell, boil them separately, and then perhaps stuff them with a flavoured butter and return the flesh to its former home.

The key to foraging is eating the right things. There is no fun in going home with a twisting stomach, puking up what you’ve spent all day trying to find. If in any doubt as to the suitability of a food, “Food for Free” by Richard Mabey will tell you what’s going to do more good than harm.

For the brave and hungry, the outdoors provides an endless menu full of versatility and nutrients. The satisfaction of finding your own food, cooking it and eating it is a feeling matched to none. And it’s a sure fire way to impress friends and family. So the next time you go out for a meal, don’t take your wallet. Ray Mears would be proud.